


apastron

by kissmesexybatman



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Grey-Aromantic/Asexual Shiro, Kerberos Mission, M/M, Pre-Canon, Space Flight, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-01 06:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12150489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissmesexybatman/pseuds/kissmesexybatman
Summary: "This was the mission: three people were set to travel half a year out to the edge of the solar system, traversing space no human eyes had ever seen, to explore the possibility of life in the most extreme of conditions."The first six months of the Kerberos Mission.





	apastron

**Author's Note:**

> APASTRON
> 
> noun  ap·as·tron  \ (ˈ)a¦pastrən , -ˌsträn \
> 
> The point in the orbit of one star of a binary system where it is farthest from the other.

This was the mission: one hundred and seventy-seven days to cover four-point-three billion kilometres.

 

It started with numbers and math, like everything does, a dossier written in the base code of the universe. Probes launched years before sent back readings of trace elements, certain arrangements of protons and neutrons that, in one rare and shining example, had given rise to the first rudimentary proteins. Men in white coats argued and pointed and, eventually, agreed on a chance so small they couldn’t even call it a prediction.

 

Calculations were made. The ideas for countless systems-- propulsion, guidance, thermal-- were drafted and scrapped and redrafted. The craft itself was eventually designed, at length and with care, and built even more delicately.

The crew were selected from a pool of thousands upon thousands of nearly-qualified candidates. Their merits had been converted to numbers too, just another algorithm in the complicated language that formed the fabric of the mission. They had been quantified down to a set of constants and variables that were simply swept up in the calculations of what was known as the Kerberos Mission.

 

The planets kept moving at their own pace. What seemed like unchanging constants to the people who studied them were, in the lifetime of the universe, nothing more than a flash in the pan. The universe inhaled supernovae and exhaled nebulas, and the stars were nothing more than a moment of stillness in between.

 

This was the mission: three people were set to travel half a year out to the edge of the solar system, traversing space no human eyes had ever seen, to explore the possibility of life in the most extreme of conditions.

 

✷   · 　 .  　　　　　 ✵   

　   ✺      ·  　　· 　

　 　　 *　　　*  *

˚ 　　  　 　 　　　　　　　　

　　　 　 *  ˚ · 　　　　　·

 

175 DAYS OUT

 

It had been two days since they launched and Shiro already missed Earth.

 

He had expected it, of course; this mission wasn’t his first by a long shot, although it would be his longest, and he already knew how after a few days the insatiable itch for the need to see blue sky and feel fresh air on his face would settle in somewhere between his ribs and stay there for the next twelve months.

 

Still, all things considered, it was going well. The launch had been perfect, with no damage to the craft or crew, their systems were all nominal, and the navigation programs were predicting a flight path fairly free of debris. Shiro flicked idly through the recent data feeds from some of the probes between here and Kerberos-- save for the unavoidable asteroid belts, there were no signs of anything that could potentially cause them any harm.

 

In short, this was going to be a long, boring trip for him.

 

He sighed and scrolled through the data feeds again. This close to Earth, the information reached him only seconds after they received it. Once they traveled further out in the solar system, communications would be delayed by periods stretching up to hours.

 

He let his eyes wander over the lines of text on the screen again, lists of probes and locations and readings. There were so _many,_ and these were just the ones that were relevant to their tiny ship, cutting its narrow path through the solar system.

 

When he was younger, his mom would take him outside late at night to look at the stars. She loved stargazing; it was a rare night she wasn’t outside with her telescope. Usually, she would be too focused to spare time for Shiro, but some nights she would get out an old blanket and spread it on the ground and fix them up some mugs of hot cocoa and they would sit outside and look up at the sky for hours. She knew every constellation, and most of their stories, and Shiro would sit and listen to her talk for hours with her arm around his shoulder, keeping him neatly tucked against her side. When she leaned her head down to rest it against his, her long, dark hair would fall around him like a curtain. He never felt as safe as he did in those moments, and he was never afraid of the dark.

 

The stars were always brilliant, a shimmering, blinking sea of lights stretching from horizon to horizon. His mom had moved to out there to the desert straight out of college, just for them. His dad had been a coincidence.

 

Shiro had learned how to recognize stars from planets from satellites almost by the same time he could talk. His mom would point out each one, very carefully, explaining their different appearances and natures. Every time she pointed out a satellite, she would tell him, “When I was your age, we didn’t have so _many._ You would see them sometimes, passing overhead, but now…” She gestured to the sky, where they had just counted nine satellites visible at the same time. “Earth’s orbit is littered with them, Takashi, I swear. Thousands upon thousands of them, and lots don’t even work anymore. A monument,” she said, reflected starlight glittering in her eyes, “to our ingenuity and perseverance. The human condition.”

 

He stared at the list of probes and wondered if it was still a monument if no one ever saw it.

 

“Shiro?”

 

That got his head snapping up, eyes resting on Matt where he stood in the doorway. He looked apologetic; then again, he kind of had an apologetic face. “Sorry. I tried saying your name a few times.”

 

“No, that’s…” Shiro took a second to clear his throat. He hadn’t actually spoken out loud in a while. _“I’m_ sorry. I was-- lost in thought.”

 

Matt smiled, still somehow making the expression apologetic. Shiro shifted in his chair and gestured the extra seat beside him, behind the control console. After a second of hesitation, Matt stepped in and sat.

 

Shiro waited for Matt to say something, but he just leaned forward and peered out the window. “Wow,” he breathed, eyes wide.

 

“Never been off Earth before?” Shiro asked, a smile tugging at his lips. He knew Matt, of course, but only in a professional sense; he remembered him from the class behind his at the Garrison, he’d heard all about the genius engineer who made the breakthrough on the propulsion engine humming below them in the ship even now, he had of course met him in the briefings and press conferences and endless training sessions before this mission, but he’d never really had a _conversation_ with him.

 

Well, that would probably change soon. The three of them were going to be living in close proximity for the next year-- Shiro expected they would get pretty comfortable with each other.

 

Matt shook his head, still watching the stars shining beyond the walls of their ship. “Well, I made one quick hop to the moon last year, but I’ve never really been outside of the Earth’s orbit.”

 

Shiro nodded, looking out the window himself. “Yeah, I remember my first trip to the Mars colony.”

 

Matt leaned back a little to shoot him a smile. “So, this is all old news to you, huh? Just routine?”

 

“It never really gets old,” Shiro replied, thinking of his mom, outside with her telescope almost every night.

 

Matt studied him for a second, brown eyes calculating, like Shiro was another machine he was trying to break down into its component parts and rebuild from the ground up, figuring out how it all ticked together. Shiro had to look away after a second; the starlight glittering in his eyes was too achingly familiar, too far away now.

 

“C’mon,” he said instead, rising from his chair and gesturing for Matt to follow. “If you think this is cool…”

 

He led Matt out of the control room and down a few floors, into the water recycling chamber. Matt wrinkled his nose as they ducked through the door. “Please tell me you’re not showing me the waste treatment system.”

 

Shiro shook his head, shooting him a wry smile. “Thankfully for both of us, I have normal hobbies.”

 

“That remains to be seen,” Matt pointed out, deadpan. “After all, you _did_ just bring me down here to show me the waste treatment system.”

 

“That’s not why we’re here,” Shiro insisted, stepping over a set of thick metal pipes and ducking behind a large bank of machines to reach the far wall.

 

Matt followed him after only a second’s worth of hesitation, and Shiro pressed himself back against the machines and gestured to the small window. With one last look, Matt squeezed in beside him and peered out the window. He was so close Shiro could hear the breath catch in his chest.

 

Fifty million kilometres away, a blue and white planet hung in the star-studded void. They were still close enough to see the tiny white speck of the moon, caught in Earth’s orbit.

 

After a long minute with only the humming of the machines to fill the silence, Shiro said, “Pretty incredible, huh?”

 

“Yeah,” Matt breathed, pressed so close to the window the single word fogged on the glass. Another second passed before he turned back to Shiro, eyes shining. “Thank you.”

 

Shiro smiled and shrugged. “It’s nothing,” he started, but Matt shook his head firmly.

 

“No,” he said, turning back to look out the window again, stars catching in his eyes. “It’s-- it’s amazing.”

 

.  +  ✧　

. .   +  　  　　 *

　　　 *  . 　  　　　 +

　　 . 　　 　　　 +     *

*  　　    * 　 *

.       ˚   　 ✹

 

152 DAYS OUT

 

Matt dropped into the seat next to him with a weary expression. Pulling his eyes from the control screen, Shiro smiled at him sympathetically. “Get it fixed?”

 

With a groan, Matt nodded, pitching forward to rest his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. _“Finally,_ yeah.”

 

Shiro watched him for a second as he ground the heels of his palms into his eye sockets. The ship was designed to run with the smallest crew possible-- one pilot, one scientist, and one engineer. Which meant when something malfunctioned, it was up to Matt to fix it. A couple days ago, one of their water recycling systems had gone on the fritz. Thankfully, the ship had been designed with backups and redundancies to keep them from dying instantly if something went wrong, but Matt still had to fix it right away. He’d barely slept or eaten the whole time.

 

Shiro squeezed his shoulder. “You should go get some rest. You look like hell.”

 

“You say the sweetest things,” Matt mumbled into his hands.

 

Shiro huffed a laugh. In the last couple weeks, he’d already gotten used to Matt’s off-beat, dry sense of humor. “Only to you. Seriously, Matt, go eat and shower and sleep. Take care of yourself.”

 

Matt peeked up at him, a slow grin spreading across his face. “‘Shower?’ Are you trying to imply something, Takashi?”

 

That got a real laugh out of him. “Not at all, Matthew.”

 

With a yawn, Matt stood and pointed at him. “I’ll never forgive this insult. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go sleep and eat and shower. In that order.” He stepped out of the bulkhead with a wave.

 

“Shower first,” Shiro called after his retreating footsteps. “We all have to sleep in that room.”

 

Matt yelled something less than complimentary back, and Shiro settled back into his chair with a grin, settling back in to watch as they crossed Jupiter’s path of orbit around the sun. They had forty-nine weeks to go until they got home, but somehow, that didn’t sound as long as it had before they launched.

✦       　   　　 　　　　

  *  .  　　  . ·     　



　　　 　   

　✵  　　 *　　　　　 ✺  　 . 　

 * .  　.　   　

　　. 　　　　 .  .

 

121 DAYS OUT

 

“This sucks,” Matt grumbled, picking at the knee of his pants.

 

Breathlessly, Shiro replied, “You knew what you were signing up for, didn’t you?”

 

Matt rolled his eyes. “No, Takashi, I actually didn’t. When I was approached by the Garrison for a mission to travel to the end of the solar system, I actually had no idea it would take a whole _year!_ I mean, come on, it’s not like I _designed_ the propulsion system that would get us out here or something. I definitely don’t know the exact power and speed we can reach.”

 

Panting, Shiro stepped off the treadmill, pulling the hem of his shirt up to wipe the sweat off his face. “I’m detecting some sarcasm, here.”

 

“From me? Never.”

 

Shiro blew out a sigh. “If your sister is like this too, I feel bad for your father.”

 

“Katie?” A grin split Matt’s face, eyes brightening like they always did when he talked about his little sister. “Nah, she’s even worse.”

 

“Then I _definitely_ feel bad for him.” Shiro took a long pull from his water bottle.

 

“Seriously, though,” Matt sighed, drooping again, “I’m so bored.”

 

Shiro stopped beside him where he sat on the floor of the gym, back propped against the wall, and offered him a hand up. Matt reluctantly took it. “Didn’t your sister send you some new books with her last message?”

 

Matt wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, but I don’t want to read anymore. I’m tired of reading.”

 

“You could always exercise,” Shiro pointed out, jerking his head back to the gym with a barely-suppressed grin.

 

The look of horror Matt gave him was answer enough.

 

Shiro shook his head with an exasperated laugh. “You’re going to waste away, Matt.”

 

“The human noodle,” Matt announced. “That’s me.”

 

It was Shiro’s turn to roll his eyes. “You could always help your dad with tuning the instruments and data collection.”

 

A frown crossed Matt’s face-- a real one, not the exaggerated scowls from before. “He just shoos me away whenever I try anymore. I don’t know, it’s weird.”

 

Giving him a nudge, Shiro teased, “Well, did you break anything the last time you were in there?”

 

Matt didn’t smile back. He looked distant, worried, almost. “No, I don’t think so. I just don’t understand why…” He let the sentence trail off, staring off into middle distance.

 

Shiro shrugged after a second. “Well, I guess we’re all feeling a little cooped up. He’ll come out of it.”

 

Matt hesitated before giving him an uncertain nod. “I guess you’re right.”

 

Shiro clapped him on the shoulder. “Of course I am. Now come on, I think I have a deck of playing cards somewhere in my bag.”

 

There was a long moment of silence as Matt stared at him.

 

“What?” Shiro asked finally.

 

“You-- you packed _playing cards_ for a year-long journey to space?”

 

“Well, yeah. I didn’t want to get bored.”

 

“Incredible,” Matt said, shaking his head. “Absolutely incredible.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Nothing, Shiro, nothing. Hit me with these playing cards. What games do you know?”

 

Shiro hesitated. “Um, solitaire and… gin rummy, I think.”

 

Matt waited for a second before his face dropped. “Wait, that’s _it?”_

 

“I don’t play cards very often,” Shiro defended.

 

Matt sighed. “I’ll ask Katie to send us some instructions for new games then, shall I? At least we’ll have plenty of time to learn.”

 

Shiro smiled as he followed him down the ladder towards the sleeping quarters. “That’s true.”

 

✷    　　　 .  +

　*   .  ˚ 　　　  ⊹ 　 +

 .  

　　　　　        ✫ 　

      　　

  　 . .  　  ✧

*   ·　　 + ·  ✵

 

97 DAYS OUT

 

Sam and Shiro were consulting about an asteroid field they were approaching when Matt wandered into the dining room, yawning.

 

Shiro looked up from his tablet, smiling. “Morning, sleepyhead.” Matt waved him off with a grunt. “Long night?”

 

“I was up messaging Katie,” Matt replied at length, stirring a packet of instant coffee into some hot water and sipping, grimacing.

 

Shiro studied him sympathetically. Matt and his sister were close-- hardly a day went by without Matt receiving a message from her. Now, though, they were so far from Earth their transmissions were delayed by over an hour. He wondered what was so important that Matt had waited for hours just to hold a conversation with his sister. He looked tired and drawn; and sure, they were over two billion kilometres from the Earth, but that was the most alien thing Shiro had seen so far.

 

Sam glanced up from the charts to cast a critical eye over his son. “Take care of yourself, Matt,” he said, looking back down at his tablet. “We have a long way to go yet.”

 

Matt said nothing, just took his coffee and ducked out of the kitchen. A second later Shiro heard his footsteps ringing out on the metal stairs.

 

He fidgeted for a second before telling Sam, “I need to get back to the control room.” Sam didn’t even look up, just nodded absently. Tucking his tablet under his arm, Shiro left the dining area and followed Matt.

 

He found him sitting in the copilot’s seat, what Shiro had begun to think of over the last three months as _Matt’s_ chair, staring listlessly out at the stars. Quietly, Shiro settled into his own chair beside him, and waited.

 

The thing about space was that it was mostly that-- just space. You never realized how _small_ you really were until you were out there, days or weeks passing before you ever saw anything else besides your ship and the unchanging, unblinking stars; and when you finally did, the sense of loneliness that came with it was nearly crushing. Shiro understood how Matt felt. He had gone through it too, years ago, on his first solo flight to Mars.

 

Empathizing with Matt about missing a family member, though, was another story. Shiro loved his parents, of course, but he didn’t see them very often, and he’d never had any siblings. His cousin, Keith, was close; after all, Keith had moved in with them when Shiro was thirteen. He still remembered that day, remembered his father breaking down the door to his own brother’s house and finding it empty except for a little black-haired boy with hollow eyes, who turned to look at them when they stepped inside and merely said _he’s gone._

 

So Keith had come to live with them at the young age of six. At first, he was quiet and withdrawn, eyes wide and far away, fixed on something Shiro couldn’t see. Shiro didn’t mind. He talked to Keith and never expected an answer, took him to the lake nearby so they could sit and watch the water, occasionally dipping their toes in, brought him outside at night so they could watch the stars, and little by little the light came back to Keith’s eyes. He especially liked stargazing; once, he pointed at the sky and told Shiro, “That’s where my mom is.”

 

Shiro traced his eyes along the line between his finger and the Pleiades. He’d never met Keith’s mom-- none of his family had, actually. As far as any of them knew, it had always just been his uncle and Keith. Still, he felt like Keith’s statement deserved some sort of acknowledgement, so he nodded silently and watched him watch the stars with dark, intense eyes, like he was waiting for something to happen.

 

They hadn’t had much time together before Shiro left for the Garrison, but they’d gotten close. Even so, Shiro didn’t miss him, not like Matt missed Katie. Matt and Katie were like-- a binary star system, reliant, bound together. Keith was more like a comet; he was on an orbit that was out of sync with everything else in the system around him, treading an elliptical path that slingshotted him by occasionally, a high velocity irregularity. Shiro loved him, but they didn’t rely on each other the same way.

 

“I miss her,” Matt said, after a second, “and she misses us _so much,_ and he hasn’t even bothered to contact her in a month.” His voice wobbled a little, and he stopped.

 

Shiro said nothing, just looked at the stars.

 

 _“Why?”_ Matt said finally with a burst of air, like the question had been punched out of him. “Why is he being so distant?”

 

“I don’t know,” Shiro said at length, and it didn’t feel like the right thing to say but staying silent felt worse.

 

Matt sighed and leaned back in his chair, looking over to shoot Shiro a wry smile with eyes that glittered a little too much to just be starlight. “‘Course you don’t. I bet none of this--” he gestured to the empty space around them-- “bothers you that much, right? Seasoned pilot and all. I guess maybe I’m not cut out to be an astronaut.” With a humorless laugh, he added, “What a way to find out, right?”

 

“It does bother me,” Shiro told him after a second.

 

Matt lifted his face up from where he’d been scrubbing at it with his sleeve. “What?”

 

“Being out here,” Shiro said, gesturing around them. “It’s-- it’s boring, and lonely, and I hate being cooped up in here. I mean, it’s better when there’s good company,” he amended, shooting Matt a sideways smile, “but I still don’t really _like_ it.”

 

Matt stared at him for a long moment, a crease forming between his eyebrows. “Then why do you do it?” he asked finally.

 

Shiro thought about it. “I don’t know.”

 

“Huh,” Matt said.

 

They both stared out the window for another few minutes before Matt started laughing. Shiro raised an eyebrow at him. “What’s so funny?”

 

“Just--” Another burst of laughter interrupted him, but eventually Matt pulled himself together. “We’re the first astronauts to ever fly so far from the Earth, we’re seeing space no one has ever seen before, we might discover _alien life…_ Most people would kill for the chance to do any of that.” Matt started laughing again. “And we’re here _complaining_ about it.”

 

Shiro couldn’t help the slow curve of his mouth as he watched Matt laugh helplessly. “It’s not _that_ funny.”

 

“Ohh, Shiro,” Matt gasped, turning a blinding smile on him. “It _is.”_

 

✵ 　　　　　　

　   　 　　　　　

 ✫  *  　. 　*  　

　　 　  * 　　　  ⋆  .

　　.·  　　 *   　　 ✺  ⊹

　　　 ✷  　  　　 ✷

 

86 DAYS OUT

 

“I can’t believe it took me this long to think of this,” Matt grumbled, flat on his back on the floor.

 

Shiro watched him pry another panel off the control array. “You know if you mess anything up, we’re all dead, right?”

 

“I’m not going to mess anything up, geez. Ye of little faith.” Matt shot him a crooked grin. “You know I helped design this whole ship, right?”

 

“As you’ve reminded me many times,” Shiro replied, dry as sand.

 

“My goodness, was that _sass,_ Takashi?”

 

“You would know. You’re the resident expert.”

 

“That’s not saying much when your pool of residents totals out at three,” Matt remarked, twisting a couple wires together. “There.” He shoved himself out from under the control panel, sitting up. Shiro stepped forward to offer him a hand that Matt took with a smile. “Thanks.”

 

“Sure,” Shiro said, involuntarily stepping back as Matt stood. The room was already small, but they were crowded so close together he had been nearly pressed against him.

 

Matt was already turning away, though, reaching for the small device now connected to the control panel. “Okay,” he mumbled, fiddling with it for a second. “Now, this should…” He trailed off as a song started to play through the speaker wired into the room.

 

Shiro shook his head. “I can’t believe you hacked into the single most expensive spacecraft ever built just to give us the ability to play Brittney Spears.”

 

“I can’t believe you didn’t stop me,” Matt shot back with a grin, turning the volume up a few notches.

 

“Why do you even have this song?” Shiro asked, rolling his eyes to keep them from tracing the shape of Matt’s lips as he mouthed along to the lyrics. That was dangerous, unfamiliar territory Shiro found himself trespassing in more and more as the weeks dragged by; he didn’t understand it, but he figured it must come from spending so much time in such close proximity, isolated together. It didn’t mean anything.

 

Matt shot him a disbelieving look. “It’s a _classic,_ Shiro.”

 

Shiro rolled his eyes again and pushed by him to drop into his seat. “Get out of here, you. I need to work.”

 

Matt draped himself over the back of Shiro’s chair and leaned down to peer at the screens, close enough Shiro could feel his breath feathering against the side of his face when he spoke. _“Work?_ We’re in the middle of nowhere, Takashi. What are you going to need to pilot us around way out here?”

 

“Stray asteroids that could flatten us in a second?” Shiro suggested, keeping his eyes fixed on his screens. “You and Brittney need to get out of here and stop distracting me.”

 

“Spoilsport,” Matt grumbled, but he pulled back, reaching to grab his music player off the control deck.

 

Shiro breathed out a sigh as he heard his footsteps echoing down the stairwell, caught somewhere between relieved and disappointed.

 

 _This is not what you’re out here for,_ he reminded himself. _We’re searching for life on the edge of the solar system._

 

It didn’t help.

 

✷    　 .  　　  　　

✧ ⋆ 　 · ✷  　　  　 ✹ 　

　  　 　

  *  　　　　　.　　 ⊹ 　　 　　　



　  ✺ ·   　*   ·   

  *  　　　  ·



 

72 DAYS OUT

 

Shiro stared out the window with unfocused eyes. After four months in space, he was, in fact, starting to get used to the view. When he told Matt that, he’d just laughed.

 

The stars shone as bright and distant as ever. The longer he stared at them, the more he had the unsettling impression they weren’t flying, but _falling,_ straight down into an endless pit. The sensation was nauseatingly familiar.

 

There was a lake twenty minutes away from his childhood house his dad would always take them to. He and his brother had gone there all the time when they were little, he told Shiro. It was a place that was so obviously special to him, Shiro never felt like he could tell him how much he hated it. The lake was always glass-still and dark; if you looked down at the water, you could never see the bottom, just your own distorted reflection. It felt ominous, almost dangerous; Shiro never swam out past where he could reach the sandy bottom with his toes.

 

The space looked like that lake: dark, still, waiting to swallow them all up without so much as a ripple.

 

A hand rested on his shoulder, startling him out of his thoughts. He blinked and looked over to meet Matt’s eyes.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good,” Shiro reassured him, settling his shoulders into a more relaxed line. “Sorry, just spaced out for a second.”

 

Matt studied him. “That was a good pun.”

 

Huffing a laugh, Shiro replied, “Yeah, it was.” He brought a hand up to rub at his temple.

 

“Seriously, you okay?” Matt asked as he handed him a mylar-wrapped energy bar.

 

Shiro took it gratefully, unwrapping it carefully to avoid Matt’s eyes. “I’m fine.”

 

“Okay,” Matt said doubtfully after a second. He settled back in his chair, and Shiro watched out of the corner of his eye as he unwrapped his own protein bar, biting off a chunk and squinting out the window. The stars were amazing, it was true, but out here they never changed. Shiro was starting to think people put too much weight on their beauty, and ignored what was right next to them.

 

Matt’s honey-brown eyes flicked over to meet his and Shiro started again. He almost looked away, but he couldn’t quite stand to direct his gaze back out that window into the endless dark, so their gazes locked and held for a long minute.

 

“Whatcha thinking about?” Matt asked finally, voice soft.

 

Shiro hummed in reply. “Just something my dad told me once. My mom was an astronomer, and she was out almost every night with her telescope. Sometimes I would sit out there with her,” he added, a smile flickering at the corner of his mouth as he remembered those long-ago nights, “but my dad never did. I guess maybe I was always going to be an astronaut, because I loved the stars almost as much as my mom did, but he never seemed to care. I asked him why once. ” He paused for a second, trying to recall the exact words his father used. “He said that he couldn’t care about things so far away when there were plenty of things just as good right there on Earth.”

 

Matt had propped his chin in his hand to listen, a frown slowly crossing his face. “But your mom was an astronomer. He didn’t care about that kind of stuff at all?”

 

Shiro shrugged. “They don’t always get along very well.”

 

Matt winced. “Sorry.”

 

“It’s fine,” Shiro told him, sending him a crooked smile. “It’s not your fault.”

 

“I can still be sorry about it,” Matt pointed out. Shiro just shrugged, finally breaking eye contact to look out the window again. Matt followed his gaze, and for a long moment, they just sat there quietly.

 

Until Matt muttered under his breath, very quietly, “A dick.”

 

Shiro blinked a couple times before turning to look at him. “Excuse me?”

 

Matt shot him a sly grin, leaning in close to him and pointing. “Those stars, see? They look like a dick.”

 

“No, they don’t,” Shiro said after a second. “They look like stars.”

 

The look Matt gave him this time was pained. “A little imagination, Takashi, please.”

 

Shiro squinted. “I don’t see it.”

 

“Look--” And suddenly, Matt was pressed right up against his side, their cheeks nearly touching as he squinted to follow the line of his finger. _“There,_ see?”

 

Shiro traced the group of stars with his eyes, a startled laugh bursting out of him. “I see them, I see them. They still don’t look like a dick.”

 

Matt turned to grin at him and Shiro glanced over, biting his tongue at how close their faces were. “Made you look, then.”

 

Another huff of laughter escaped him. “I-- you’re ridiculous.”

 

With an exaggerated wink, Matt said, “Only for you.”

 

Shiro couldn’t stand it; he pulled back, rolling his eyes to cover his sudden rush of nerves. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

 

Still smiling, Matt leaned back too. “You can’t prove it.”

 

“I could always ask Katie,” Shiro pointed out, and Matt paled.

 

“Oh, god, no, she knows too many embarrassing stories.”

 

Shiro raised an eyebrow. “This plan is starting to sound better and better.”

 

“I’m begging you, Shiro, spare me.”

 

Shiro grinned at the stars. “Ahh, blackmail material, finally. Now I have leverage to keep you from blasting Brittney Spears through my speakers.”

 

Matt spluttered. “You _bastard.”_

 

Shiro laughed for what felt like the first time in months.

 

. 　　　　*   　

　　 * 　　

. 　 ✵  *    ✫ 　　

  * .  　 ✷   *　 ˚ 　　
  *  ·  　　 　 +



*   · ˚ *  . ✵  　

　　 . · 　　 ·

 

59 DAYS OUT

 

“I’m just saying,” Matt said, eyes trained on his tablet where he sat in the corner of the room. “You’re making everyone else feel bad, man.”

 

Shiro rolled his eyes and racked the weight, sitting up on the bench. “You can _use_ the exercise equipment, you know,” he pointed out, wiping the sweat off his face with the hem of his shirt. He pulled it away just in time to catch Matt’s eyes flicking back down to his tablet. “It’s a public space.”

 

“All our space is public,” Matt countered.

 

Shiro tapped him on the top of his head as he walked by. “Then I don’t know why you’re complaining about me using it.”

 

Matt scowled at him, flattening his hair. “I’ve already told you, Takashi, I have to maintain my perfect noodle form.”

 

Shiro whipped his sweaty shirt off and tossed it at him. “Suit yourself, noodle boy, but I’m not going to be the one to carry you off this ship at the end of the year.”

 

Matt ducked. _“Gross.”_

 

Shiro just grinned at him as he hopped on the treadmill. Matt kicked the shirt away with tangible disgust before looking up at him, mouth opening like he was going to say something, but nothing came out. Instead, he just looked at him with a strange expression.

 

Shiro quirked an eyebrow at him. “What?”

 

“Nothing,” Matt said quickly, dropping his head back down to look at his tablet and clearing his throat loudly.

 

With a shrug, Shiro turned the treadmill on and started to jog.

 

.   *  ✦ 　

　　　　  ✹ 　  ˚   　

　　　.  ✫ 　　

⋆  ˚ 　· 　　　 ·　　  　. 　

  *  .  　 ⋆  ✵



　　　　　　　　 ⋆ 　　　  　　 +   *

  * 　 ⋆ 　　 　　 ✦



 

48 DAYS OUT

 

Shiro frowned at the tablet Matt was in the process of propping up on the control panel. “I’m still not sure she’ll want to see _me._ I’ve never met her.”

 

“Relax, Takashi,” Matt said, bending over to check the screen and adjust the alignment of the tablet, turning the camera towards their seats. Shiro’s eyes traced the curve of his back for a helpless second before he pointedly dragged them away, fixing his gaze on a particularly bright star. “Katie’ll like you. Or,” he pulled a hand away from the tablet to gesture vaguely, “she’ll like hearing from you. Whatever.”

 

Shiro sighed. “I don’t know. It’s her birthday. Won’t she just want a message from her brother?”

 

Matt considered it for a second. “No.”

 

“Was that a lie?”

 

“Maybe.” Matt shrugged and shot him a grin over his shoulder. “Listen, just do this with me, and then you can meet Katie properly when we get back, okay?”

 

Reluctantly, Shiro nodded. Matt would badger him until he agreed, anyways, and the ship was too small to avoid him. Not that Shiro would want to. At this point, he was accustomed to Matt’s constant presence, steady as a star.

 

“Okay,” Matt said, pulling Shiro out of his thoughts as he settled back into his chair. “We’re a go.”

 

Shiro frowned. “How are you going to start the recording?”

 

Matt rolled his eyes. “It’s already going. Hi, Katie!” He waved at the camera. “Happy birthday! Sorry we aren’t there, but you know how it is. Just off making some groundbreaking discoveries about extraterrestrial life.” He heaved an exaggerated sigh and Shiro snorted softly. Matt flashed him a grin. “This is Shiro, our star pilot.” He turned to Shiro expectantly.

 

“Um,” Shiro started, shooting him a glance, “hi, Katie. Happy birthday.”

 

There was a second of silence. “That’s it?” Matt asked.

 

Shiro gave him another helpless look. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, Matt.”

 

Matt shook his head. “Sorry about him,” he sighed, giving the camera a pointed eye roll. “I swear he’s a good conversationalist, he’s just camera shy.”

 

“Hey,” Shiro protested.

 

Ignoring him, Matt continued, “Anyways, I can’t believe you’re already fourteen! They grow up so fast.” He wiped away an imaginary tear before leaning forward a little to smile at the camera. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, but Dad and I will be home before you know it, I promise. Have a really good birthday, and eat some cake for me.” His voice dropped a little as he finished. “Love you, little sis.”

 

Shiro stood up after a second and picked up the tablet, ending the recording before offering it to Matt. He looked pale and sad as he took it out of Shiro’s hands. “Thanks.”

 

Shiro rested a hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”

 

Matt nodded absently for a second before blinking and giving him a determined smile. “Yeah, I’m good. Just miss her, you know?”

 

Shiro quirked a little smile back at him, nodding. “Yeah, I do know.”

 

Matt stood, gesturing at him with the tablet. “We’ll have to make one of these for your cousin’s birthday too.”

 

“Sure,” Shiro agreed, smiling down at him. The moment stretched until Shiro realized his hand was still on Matt’s shoulder, and he snatched it away, shuffling back a couple steps.

 

“I should, um, go edit this,” Matt mumbled, heading for the door.

 

“Right.” Shiro’s voice was a little too loud, and he winced as he sat back down.

 

Matt gave him a tight smile as he stepped through the bulkhead.

 

Shiro hesitated for a second before calling, “Hey, Matt?”

 

“Yeah?” Matt stuck his head back in.

 

“Thanks,” Shiro said. “For asking me to be in your message. I hope Katie likes it.”

 

Matt smiled at him, slow and sweet enough to melt Shiro’s guts right down into his boots. “She will. You’re welcome, Takashi.”

 

⋆ . .  ✷   ·

*  ✺ 　　  　　　　　　　 ·  +  　　

　　　  .  

　　　　 + .　　 . 　 　　

　　　　　　.

　　 　　　 ✧　　  . 　

　 ˚ 　　　　　　 · 　 . 　.

 

32 DAYS OUT

 

Shiro stepped into the control room with a cup of coffee in his hand, humming under his breath. Matt looked up as he stepped in with a smile. “Hey.”

 

“Hey yourself,” Shiro replied, sitting down next to him. “What are you doing?”

 

“Message from Katie.” Matt nodded down to the tablet sitting in his lap. “She’s telling me about school. Apparently someone asked her to the spring dance.”

 

Shiro frowned. “What, like prom?”

 

“She’s in middle school,” Matt pointed out, “so no, but good try, Takashi.”

 

Shiro mumbled something into his cup of coffee.

 

Raising an eyebrow, Matt asked, “Wait, does this mean you’ve never been to prom?”

 

“We both went to Galaxy Garrison, Matt,” Shiro pointed out. “Neither of us have been to prom.”

 

Matt frowned. “Damn, you’re right. Man, being a space explorer has really put a damper on my stereotypical early-life experiences.”

 

Shiro shook his head as he took another sip of coffee.

 

“I can’t believe I never had the awkward slow dance experience,” Matt lamented, staring out the window morosely. _“Neither_ of us have. That’s so sad.”

 

Shiro thought for a second. “All right.”

 

“What are you doing?” Matt asked, eyeing him suspiciously as Shiro reached over to grab his music player where it was plugged into the control console.

 

Shiro held up a finger as he scrolled through the music selection. “Jesus, Matt, how much Beyoncé do you have?”

 

“All the good stuff,” Matt fired back, reaching for his music player. “Give that back.”

 

Shiro put a hand on his chest to hold him off, still scrolling through the song list one-handed.

 

_“Takashi.”_

 

Finally, Shiro found something that would work. Soft acoustic music filtered through the speakers as he set the music player back on the control panel, out of Matt’s reach still. “C’mon,” he said, standing.

 

Matt stared up at him, still suspicious. “What?”

 

Holding out a hand, Shiro told him, “We’re dancing. Come on.”

 

Matt’s face melted into a look of pure surprise before he carefully controlled it, and it might have just been the lighting, but Shiro was pretty sure he could see a faint pink tinge spreading across his cheekbones and the tips of his ears. “You’re kidding.”

 

“Nope,” Shiro said, tamping down his own rush of sudden nervousness. This had seemed like such a good idea thirty seconds ago. “Come _on,_ Holt, it’s just me.”

 

Matt mumbled something under his breath before taking his hand.

 

“What?”

 

“I _said,”_ Matt announced as he stood, “this is juvenile.”

 

Shiro rolled his eyes, pulling him into the center of the tiny control room. “You just said you wanted the cheesy teenage experience.”

 

“I did not. I was merely noting the lack of them in my life.”

 

Shiro looked down at him, cocking his head. “Do you not want to dance?”

 

Matt hesitated. “No. I mean, no, I don’t not want to dance. I _want_ to dance,” he clarified, looking down and shuffling his feet. “I’m just saying this is silly.”

 

Shiro thought about it and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess it is.” He tugged Matt in a little closer, holding their clasped hands up and looking at Matt quizzically.

 

With a sharp sigh, Matt brought his free hand up to rest on Shiro’s shoulder. Shiro mirrored the pose, and they stood there for a second before Matt said, “You know what I just realized? I have no idea how to dance.”

 

“I don’t either,” Shiro admitted.

 

Matt started laughing, snickers dissolving into full-bodied shaking. “Oh my god,” he gasped. “This is so stupid. We’re two idiots standing in a spaceship holding hands with no idea how to dance.”

 

Shiro laughed with him. “No, we can figure this out,” he insisted. “Just follow me.”

 

Matt pulled his hand off his shoulder for a second to tuck a piece of hair back behind his ear, following Shiro’s gaze down to their feet. “You got it, Takashi,” he said, still chuckling.

 

Very carefully, Shiro moved his left foot forward. Matt pulled his right foot back a beat too late, but Shiro didn’t squash his toes, so they were doing okay so far. “Okay, now the other foot.”

 

They cautiously took a few more steps across the room until Matt bumped up against an array with a loud “oof.”

 

Shiro pulled a face. “I think ballrooms are usually a little bigger.”

 

Matt laughed again. “This is fine. Here, let’s just--” He pushed against Shiro’s shoulder, gently, guiding them back into the center of the room. “There.”

 

“Now what?”

 

Matt glanced up at him, smile melting into something careful and calculating, amber eyes wide in a way that made Shiro’s heart jump in his chest. “Like this,” he said, voice soft, pressing in a little closer and swaying slowly back and forth to the beat of the music.

 

Swallowing hard, Shiro matched him, sliding his hand around so it rested on the back of Matt’s shoulder in a way that held them even closer together. For a long minute, they just rocked together. Shiro stared down at the top of Matt’s head; he was so short he could feel his breath against his collarbone.

 

“Okay,” Matt said after a second, “now I get why this is such a popular stereotype.”

 

With a laugh, Shiro asked, “Why, Matt, are you enjoying your recovered teenage experience?”

 

Matt leaned back a touch to glare up at him. “Don’t ruin my moment, Takashi.”

 

“Sorry.” The smile on Shiro’s face probably ruined any attempt at sincerity.

 

Matt sighed as the song came to an end, pulling away slowly, and Shiro had to fight the urge to pull him back in. They stood there for a second, not quite meeting each other’s eyes.

 

“Well,” Matt said eventually. “Thanks.”

 

Shiro nodded, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, you, uh-- you too.”

 

Matt jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “I’ve got stuff to go fix, so... I’ll see you later.”

 

“Of course,” Shiro replied, watching Matt shoot him one last crooked smile as he ducked out of the room before collapsing back into his chair.

 

 _“‘Of course,’”_ he mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing. What was he even _doing?_ He had no idea anymore.

 

The worst part was that didn’t scare him as much as it should have.

 

✫  　✵   ✧.

 　 *    　   . ·

. ·    *

   ˚ 　　　　　  ⊹  　　·  

　  ✵   　

　 　　 .    　 　　 +  　  

✫ 　　　　　   ⋆  ⊹ 　 ✫

 

24 DAYS OUT

 

Matt was humming along to a song under his breath as he fiddled with the tiny electric tea kettle in his lap. He claimed it didn’t work well enough and busted out his toolset, subjecting the poor thing to hours of torture via screwdriver. Shiro was pretty sure the kettle worked just fine; Matt was probably just bored, getting antsy as they finally approached Pluto after five long months. Shiro watched him work, unable to keep his own staring in check.

 

They hadn’t talked about the dance since it happened, but it was stuck in Shiro’s mind like a nail.

 

It had been _nice._ Shiro hadn’t ever really danced with anyone besides his parents and, on one memorable occasion, a tiny Keith, but he’d never felt like he was missing out on anything. He’d never really dated anyone, and besides a couple awkward kisses with some classmates at the Garrison, he’d never had much of a _romantic_ connection with anyone. It wasn’t that he didn’t like people; he just never felt the way he thought he was supposed to when someone was interested in him.

 

But over the last couple months, a strange yearning had taken root in his chest, squeezing whenever Matt was around. His voice, his smile, the shape of his face, the spark in his eye he got when he was concentrating particularly hard, his jokes, even the bad ones… They all _pulled_ at something inside Shiro in a way he’d never felt before, turning into a heavy weight of wanting that felt like it was crushing him.

 

He _liked_ Matt, he was certain of that, but he didn’t know what to do.

 

“--kashi? _Takashi.”_

 

Shiro blinked back into focus, staring into Matt’s amused brown eyes. “Sorry, what?”

 

“I was asking you who even used this thing,” Matt explained patiently, gesturing to the kettle in his lap. “Where were you?”

 

Even though the words were teasing, his voice was soft and curious. Shiro couldn’t help the smile that pulled out of him. “Just… thinking about Kerberos,” he covered. “What we might find there.”

 

Matt’s face lit up. “It’s incredible, isn’t it? I can’t believe we’re so close now.”

 

“Yeah,” Shiro said, looking away out at the starfield in front of them. “It’s pretty incredible.”

 

  *   ˚   · ·   ˚ 　　  　
  *  　    ˚ *  . 　    



　.  +  ·

* 　　 　   ✹

  * 　　  * ˚ 　　　  ✦ .
  *  　　　　 *　　　　      ✧·



 

18 DAYS OUT

 

Shiro yawned, idly checking the time on his tablet. It was getting late. Of course, time had no real meaning out here in space, but they all tried to stick to a regular schedule as much as possible. It kept them grounded, healthy, _sane._

 

He checked the course he’d plotted for the next twelve hours again, scrolling through the data feeds from the probes to see if there were any new readings. This close to Pluto, the transmissions only took seconds to reach them.

 

“You’re up late.”

 

Shiro looked around to see Matt leaned up in the doorway. “Just checking the course again. I’ll come down soon.” Matt nodded and pushed off the wall, coming over to sit down in his chair. Shiro studied him for a second. “Why are you up so late?”

 

“Couldn’t sleep,” Matt said with a shrug.

 

Shiro hummed in sympathy and considered him for a second. Matt was slumped down in his chair, staring out at the stars, a frown creasing his forehead. “What are you thinking about?”

 

Matt turned the frown on Shiro, tracing his eyes over his face. “Nothing,” he replied at length.

 

It didn’t _look_ like nothing, but Shiro simply nodded and went back to scrolling through his data feeds. Pushing wasn’t going to make Matt any more willing to talk.

 

It was quiet for a few minutes, save for the hum of the ship, as Shiro finished up his work and Matt gazed at the stars. Setting his tablet down on the console, Shiro mirrored Matt’s pose, leaning back in his chair and and looking out at the stars. Five and a half months, and this view had barely changed. Sleep pulled at the edges of his consciousness, but Shiro ignored it for then.

 

“Shiro?”

 

“Hm?”

 

The frown was back, a little wrinkle in Matt’s brow Shiro had the strangest urge to smooth out. “What did you mean when you said you didn’t know why you’re a pilot?”

 

It was Shiro’s turn to frown as he tried to recall the conversation from months ago. “Well,” he started, uncertain, “I became a pilot because I loved the idea, I guess. You know, flying among the stars, advancing human knowledge and discovery…” He trailed off.

 

“But that’s not true anymore?” Matt asked after a pause.

 

Shiro searched for a way to explain it. “It’s not _not_ true,” he said, finally. “It’s just-- it doesn’t feel like enough, anymore. I mean, this trip alone is the most ambitious in human history, and we’re barely getting to the edge of our own solar system.” He sighed. “When I was a kid, I used to think being a pilot would mean flying among the stars. Now I know the universe is mostly just empty. Nothing. We’ll never really see any other solar systems besides our own.”

 

Matt nodded, slowly, still with that wrinkle in his brow.

 

“Why are you out here?” Shiro asked, tracing his eyes over the profile of his face.

 

Matt shot him a quick glance and a wry grin. “Flying among the stars. Advancing human knowledge and discovery. The usual.”

 

That pulled a laugh out of Shiro as he looked back out the window. “Fair enough.”

 

They were quiet for another long moment before Matt spoke again, sudden enough to make Shiro turn towards him, away from the stars. “The thing is,” Matt said, eyes steady and glittering with starlight, “all that nothing would be meaningless if you didn’t have the stuff inside it.”

 

Shiro nodded slowly, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “I guess that’s true.”

 

They sat and watched the stars for a long time before they eventually went to bed.

 

✵  　 * 　  

  *  　 +  ·  　　 ⋆ 　
  * 　  ·   * . 　



　　* 　　 .   ⋆  .  　　

　　　　　　  　 ✵   ˚  　　 ✦  

✫  ˚  *   　·  　.　

✵  　　 ✷

 

13 DAYS OUT

 

“You know what the best part is?” Matt asked, sitting cross-legged in his chair.

 

Shiro hummed as he flipped a few switches, carefully plotting the next steps in their course through the asteroid field between them and Pluto. “What?”

 

“We’ll be able to go _outside,_ Takashi. We can stand on ground that isn’t made out of metal.” He dropped a foot to the ground and stamped to illustrate his point.

 

Shiro shot him a smile. “Will you even be able to stand, noodle boy?”

 

“I’ll have you know I have used the treadmill four whole times since we started this trip, thank you.”

 

Shiro ran a pointed look over his skinny frame. “It shows.”

 

“We can’t all be Captain America.”

 

Snorting, Shiro said, “I think that’s taking it a little far.”

 

“Really?” Matt shot him a sly grin that twisted Shiro’s stomach up in knots. “I don’t.”

 

“Shut up,” Shiro mumbled, feeling heat flare across his cheekbones as he ducked his head to scan the information on his tablet.

 

* 　  . 　　　 ˚

  * *  ˚  　　　  ˚ 　　　 .



  　 　　. 　·  　

　 　　　*  　 ˚ 　　　　  

　  　 　 　 + 　 ✺ 　

　　　　 ✧　      ⋆  ˚  　 ·

✹ 　 +

 

8 DAYS OUT

 

Matt leaned over his shoulder, eyes wide and jaw slack as he peered out the window, and it was so familiar to the expression he’d worn all those months ago, when he first sat down in the chair next to him and looked out at the stars, Shiro’s heart stuttered.

 

It was hard not to feel that sense of wonder written all over Matt’s face as they all gazed out the window. Even Sam had come out of his workroom, where he spent nearly all his time fiddling with his equipment for the occasion.

 

There, in front of them, Pluto hung as a small tan dot against the starfield.

 

The sense of accomplishment Shiro felt, gazing out at the dwarf planet, was nearly overwhelming. They had come _so far,_ farther than anyone in history; he wondered, briefly, if his mom was looking up at the stars back on Earth, watching for him.

 

“We’re so _close,”_ Matt breathed next to him, and Shiro pushed back the now-familiar urge to pull him closer.

 

“I know,” he said instead.

 

“We’re set for orbit, then, Shiro?” Sam asked behind them.

 

He nodded, scrolling through the charts on his tablet. “Eight days until we make the Pluto orbit. After that, we can take the short-range shuttle to Kerberos’ surface.”

 

Sam nodded, clapping him on the shoulder. “Good work, son.” Placing a hand on Matt’s shoulder too, he said softly, “We’re almost there, boys.”

 

Shiro looked up to give him a smile, but the strangely melancholic expression on Sam’s face turned it into a smile. “Everything okay?”

 

Sam shook himself and looked down at Shiro with a smile. “Fine. It’s just been a long trip.”

 

“And it’s only half over,” Matt pointed out. “We’ll still have the trip home.”

 

“Hey, you know what they say about the return trip feeling shorter,” Shiro teased, looking back into Matt’s face to return his bright smile.

 

Sam cleared his throat and Shiro jerked back a little before he could stop himself. “Well, boys, I still have more work to finish before we make it to Pluto. I’ll see you at dinner.” With that, he stepped out the door, his footsteps on the ladder echoing back up to them.

 

Matt didn’t move from the back of Shiro’s chair; in fact, from the warmth on the top of his head, it felt like he’d just moved closer. “I can’t believe it,” he murmured.

 

“I know,” Shiro replied, equally soft.

 

Matt laughed quietly above him, breathless and wondering. “We really _did_ it, Takashi.” One of his hands came down to rest on Shiro’s shoulders, and after a second of hesitation, Shiro reached up and squeezed it.

 

“Almost,” he reminded him. “Eight days to go.”

 

.  .   　　 ·

　　　　    　  　✷  　　 .

.  ⋆   　 *  

   .  　*  . 　  

˚ 　 　   ˚ 　　　　

　　 ✧ *      　  + .

 

4 DAYS OUT

 

Things were busy, now, busier than they’d been for months. Shiro was calculating their approach carefully, sending his work back to Earth and waiting hours before receiving any replies. He checked and double-checked and triple-checked the route, but eventually he had to force himself to go do something else; sitting there in the control room, so close and yet still so far, was going to drive him crazy.

 

He found Matt in the shuttle bay, doing checks on the short-range craft that would take them to Kerberos. He was peering into an open panel, muttering something under his breath, when Shiro came in.

 

“All good?” Shiro asked him, settling down on the edge of the track that held the shuttle firmly in place.

 

Matt jerked a little and looked over at him. “Jesus, Shiro, give a guy a heart attack.” Despite his words, he smiled at him, wide and bright.

 

Shiro grinned back. “Sorry.”

 

Matt closed the panel back up and sealed it, rapping it firmly with his knuckles. “She’s good to go.” He joined Shiro, sitting on the floor.

 

They were quiet for a second. “I still can’t believe we made it,” Matt said quietly.

 

Shiro leaned back on his hands and nodded. “I know. It was a long trip.”

 

Matt snorted. “‘Long,’ he says. Long is driving to your aunt’s house for Thanksgiving, Takashi. This wasn’t long. This was _epic.”_

 

Shiro shook his head, still smiling. _“I_ can’t believe you just used the word ‘epic.’”

 

Matt held a wrench in the air. “Epic it was, and epic it remains, Takashi! I stand by my word choice.”

 

“I have no doubts about that,” Shiro intoned, shooting him a sidelong look as Matt glanced over at him with a grin. Their eyes caught and held, and the pull in Shiro’s chest twisted tight around his lungs as the moment stretched.

 

Metal clinked as Matt carefully set his wrench down and moved closer. “Hey, Shiro?”

 

“Yeah?” he asked, a little breathless, torn between leaning forward or away.

 

Matt’s eyes flickered across his face briefly before coming back up to meet his. “Thanks.”

 

That wasn’t what Shiro had been expecting. “What for?”

 

Matt huffed a laugh, so close it brushed against Shiro’s cheek. “Piloting us across the solar system, being a good friend, giving me a really nice dance… Take your pick.”

 

That rogue piece of hair was falling down in front of Matt’s face again, and Shiro carefully raised a hand to tuck it back into place. “No problem.”

 

He didn’t know who closed the gap, finally, or if they just met in the middle, but suddenly Matt’s lips were on his and his eyes had slid shut, closing out everything except the feeling of Matt’s hair under his fingers, the slide of his lips as they parted on a quiet gasp, his fingers trailing through the short hair at the back of his skull.

 

After a long moment, he broke the kiss, but Matt didn’t let him go far. He leaned their foreheads together and they breathed together for a moment, quietly, almost lost in the hum of the ship.

 

“Four billion kilometres,” Matt said eventually, voice pitched low. “Think that’s a new record for a kiss the farthest from Earth?”

 

Shiro snorted. “Everything we do out here is a record, Matt.”

 

Matt hummed. “Really puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?”

 

Squeezing his eyes shut again, Shiro started, “Matt.”

 

“Takashi.”

 

Shiro swallowed hard. “This is a bad idea.”

 

Matt went painfully still against him before pulling back to look him in the eyes, bewilderment slowly giving way to hurt. “Why?”

 

“I don’t-- I don’t _do_ this kind of thing,” Shiro said, gesturing to the scant space between them. “I don’t think I’m that kind of person.”

 

Matt was quiet for a long moment before he finally said, “Oh.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Shiro offered, feeling very small. The weight in his chest felt like a whole planet, crushing him from the inside out.

 

Matt shook his head, slowly, keeping his eyes cast down and away from Shiro’s. “No, that’s okay. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m sorry.”

 

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Shiro told him, but Matt refused to look up. It was quiet for a minute before Shiro nodded, slowly, and stood. “I-- I should go.”

 

Matt bit his lip and nodded and said nothing, still avoiding his gaze as Shiro walked to the door.

 

“I’m sorry,” Shiro said again, the words nearly catching in his chest, but Matt stayed silent, and after a second Shiro turned away.

 

✵ *  .     .

　 　　       　 　*   

　　 .  ˚  ˚  

 　 ✧  ⊹ 　   

  * 　 　  ˚ ✷   *  



　　　　　　　　   　　 *  　 ✫

 

1 DAY OUT

 

Shiro didn’t know what time it was, but it was safe to assume “late.” His eyes felt gritty as he stared down at the screens.

 

In a few short hours, they would enter Pluto’s orbit. Once there, they would orbit the planet for nine days, collecting samples from Kerberos and surveying the conditions of the other moons, as well as the planet itself. After that, they would break orbit and head back towards the center of the solar system on their return journey to Earth.

 

Shiro sighed and rubbed at his temple. A few days ago, the idea of another six months in space hadn’t been quite so daunting. Now it sounded like pure torture.

 

It wasn’t like Matt was being _mean_ to him or anything. He was too good of a person for that. No, he treated Shiro almost the exact same as always, with just a few slight differences. Slight, but enough to still grate on Shiro like sandpaper.

 

Now, when he walked in a room, Matt’s face would take on this carefully bland expression. He didn’t make as many jokes as he used to, he wouldn’t give him the friendly pats and nudges Shiro had grown so used to, and he never called him Takashi.

 

Shiro hated it. He thought maybe the distance would help him get over the terrible, unfamiliar longing in his chest, but it only made it worse. Now every time he saw Matt, that blank expression, polite and unaffected, he wanted to grab him and-- He didn’t even know. Kiss him, or hug him, or shake him until Matt showed something other than that _mask._

 

He wasn’t _good_ at this. Shiro had always been good at people, but he was flying blind here.

 

Sighing, he leaned down to rest his forehead on his arms, crossed on the control console.

 

A familiar voice had Shiro’s head jerking up off his arms. “Rough night?”

 

He whipped around to see Matt standing in the doorway with a ghost of a smile. It wasn’t enough, not what it should be, but it was more than he’d seen in a few days. “Matt,” he breathed.

 

Matt stepped into the room, arms crossed. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. I was just about to head to bed and I saw you still weren’t in.”

 

“Yeah,” Shiro said, unnecessarily, given that they were currently in the control room and not the sleeping quarters.

 

A corner of Matt’s mouth quirked up again. “You should probably get some sleep. We have a lot to do tomorrow.” With that, he turned toward the door.

 

Shiro was out of his chair before he could even register making the decision to move. “Wait,” he said, hating the desperate edge in his voice. He forced himself to stop and take a breath. “Please.”

 

Matt’s spine stiffened like he’d been electrocuted, but he turned to look back at him. “What is it, Shiro?”

 

Shiro took a deep breath. “I know you’re upset,” he started, “and you have every right to be. I shouldn’t have-- I shouldn’t have done that. Kiss you, like that, if I didn’t mean to follow through. I know it seems like I was leading you on, and I’m sorry, Matt. You don’t deserve that.” He took a second to breathe. As he spoke, Matt had turned to face him a little more, eyes widening a fraction. “Before, when I said I didn’t think I was that kind of person, it’s because I’ve never really felt this way about _anyone_ before. I guess I just-- I didn’t know what to do. You didn’t deserve that either.” Shiro paused again, considering his next words before swallowing hard and throwing caution to the wind. “The truth is, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be this person. But--” he met Matt’s wide brown eyes as he said it-- “I want to try.”

 

Matt was quiet for a long moment, a thousand emotions flickering across his face too fast for Shiro to read. “Nice speech,” he said eventually.

 

The jibe, delivered in Matt’s matter-of-fact, gently teasing way almost broke Shiro down-- into tears or laughter, he didn’t know. “Thanks.”

 

Matt unfolded his arms as he stepped across the room to stand in front of Shiro. “You know,” he said at length, “back at the Garrison, I listened to half the school gossip about you. Takashi Shirogane, the ace pilot, strong and handsome and talented, but still the type of guy who would help little old ladies across the street and get kittens out of trees. Captain America,” he added, his faint smile creasing into the grin Shiro knew so well.

 

An answering smile spread across Shiro’s face as he stepped closer to him, Matt tilting his head back a little bit to meet his eyes. “That’s still an exaggeration.”

 

“I still don’t think so,” Matt shot back, bringing his hands up to rest on Shiro’s shoulders like they were dancing.

 

Shiro rolled his eyes as he leaned down to pull him into a kiss that stretched into several before they finally broke away from each other. This time, it was Shiro who leaned down to press their foreheads together. It felt so _right,_ standing like this, with his arms around Matt and the taste of him lingering on his tongue, and for the first time in weeks, the tight band of longing squeezing his ribs like a vise eased until he could hardly even feel it.

 

“Hey, Takashi,” Matt said eventually, quietly, into the space between them.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I like you, too.”

 

Shiro laughed, leaning back down for another quick kiss. “I know, Matt.”

 

They stayed there for a while, just breathing each other in, until Matt groaned a little. “We should really get some sleep. Big day tomorrow.”

 

Shiro sighed. “You’re right.”

 

“Big day of _exploring another moon,”_ Matt said, poking him in the ribs, a soft grin spreading over his face. “Hey, if we meet any aliens, do we get to name them first?”

 

Rolling his eyes, Shiro straightened. Matt didn’t let him go far, though, tucking himself comfortably under his arm as they walked toward the door. “Matt, you know as well as I do we’re not going to meet any aliens. We’re looking for _microbial life.”_

 

“Fine, but do we get to name the microbes?”

 

“Matt…”

 

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0 DAYS OUT

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> help i've fallen into shatt and i can't get up
> 
> first off: thanks for reading! if you enjoyed it, please let me know by hittin' that ole kudos button. it's fast, easy, and COMPLETELY FREE! best of all, each kudos you leave directly translates into more words i write in the future. that sweet sweet validation, amirite?
> 
> second, i wanna just put this out there: i am not an astronaut or astronomer by a long shot. i took, like, a year of astronomy classes. that was it. everything in here is accurate to the best of my abilities, but there are some things that are just totally wrong. i know. don't @ me. 
> 
> third, a couple credits for my [writing playlist](https://8tracks.com/v-a-l-e-n-t-i-n-a/the-cosmonaut-s-return) and the [tiny starfields](https://twitter.com/tiny_star_field?lang=en).
> 
> last, if you're interested in what this journey was really like for these boys, i really recommend [this website](http://joshworth.com/dev/pixelspace/pixelspace_solarsystem.html) if you have twenty or so minutes to spare. it's a super interesting perspective check on the size of our planet and the solar system around us.
> 
> thanks!


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